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| A Love Story |
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 I fell deeply in love with the Lord one afternoon in September 2009 while hearing Mass with friends at the hospital chapel in our school. In his homily, the Jesuit priest was talking about some of his inspiring encounters with patients in the charity wards. And at many points until the end of the Mass, I found myself crying yet at the same time smiling at the thought that in spite of who I have become, God calls me to love and serve Him. If you met me a year ago, you would have seen how restless I was, seeking that which would give me the happiness and fulfillment I was longing for. Within me was a struggle to keep the ideals and values I was raised with and to stay true to my strongest convictions. I was trapped in my belief that material things can satisfy me, that I needed to conform to society’s standards of a great life, and that there is one perfect person out there who would make me feel complete. Ironically, this happened at the same time I was passionately serving God as one of the youth leaders of Youth For Christ (YFC), a charismatic community. Yes, I was living a double life. Back in those days, I would receive many affirmations from people about how wonderfully God is working in my life and how He is using me so that all may know of His love. This even led me to start discerning about becoming a lay missionary upon graduation from college, a plan that was already difficult for others to understand. However, only a few people knew how, at the end of each day, I would try hard to justify the offenses I was committing against God, and how I would refuse to talk to Him about certain areas of my life just because I knew too well that He would not be glad to hear about them. But ours is a God of many second chances. That September afternoon when part of me was beginning to feel that I needed to return to Him to once again find meaning, God ran towards me, His prodigal son, to embrace me, forgive me, and assure me that He alone is enough to satisfy my longing. I wanted to respond to this unconditional love by turning away from my old ways, by trying to mold my life to that of Christ, and by a more generous self-giving. I felt being called to something I have already left in high school. The idea seemed very funny to me at first, and I was more scared that God might be picking the wrong person for the task. What I realized though is that my desire to be a priest has always been there even when this crazy dream seemed long forgotten. I thought that perhaps it was this call that had kept me burning as I served in YFC. Perhaps it was the same desire that has kept me hopeful the last three years. These realizations have made praying about my true vocation quite difficult. Prior to this, I was sure of my plans to pursue a career in the academe, in Law, or in Foreign Service. I felt a kind of uneasiness in letting go of these plans to let God take over. But God is a relentless God. His call was too loud to ignore. I renewed my commitment to a healthy prayer life to deepen my relationship with God. I started reading books about vocation, particularly the religious and priestly life and ministry. I made contact with the Society of Jesus and through their activities consulted about how I may be able to truly respond to God’s call for me. The feeling of unworthiness still comes up now and then and I still do not know how exactly the Lord could use me. Yet in the process of gathering data, I have slowly become more and more at peace with the choices I have made. I have decided to allow God to carry me through this discernment which is turning out to be both complicated and consoling. I have come to understand that my God desires me to be happy, and I have realized it is for Him that I want and ought to spend the rest of my life. Now, leaving behind many comforts, I will be spending my first year as a fresh graduate in Cagayan de Oro. There, as a candidate at the Haggerty House Jesuit Pre-Novitiate, I will go through serious and guided discernment to discover if indeed the Lord is calling me to become a Jesuit. I am happy that my family is supportive about this even if some are receiving it differently. Honestly, the road ahead is full of uncertainties. I do not know what lies at the end of this search, but I do understand that the candidacy will not be easy. It may even be painful. More than anything else, I feel excited each day as God continues to unfold our beautiful love story. When I board the plane to Cagayan de Oro, I will bring with me great courage and openness to His leading. One thing that I am certain of is this: the candidacy will eventually lead me to where I can love and serve Him most, whether that means becoming a Jesuit or not. I choose to have faith and entrust my life with this God who remains faithful even when I have not. I trust in Him Who knows me completely... - Gem N. S. Penetrante Gem will begin the Jesuit pre-novitiate program on 24 May 2010 with other young men who are also seeking God's will for them. We ask the pious reader to pray for these brave and generous souls... If you know anyone who might be interested in the Society of Jesus, please send them a link to our page. |
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The more than 300 men of the Philippine Province of the Society of Jesus serve in five universities, numerous schools for basic education, two diocesan major seminaries, three urban and five rural parishes... (READ MORE)
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Vocation Stories A Love Story
Vocation Stories A Love Story
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