As a child, I looked at traversing rough roads and floodwaters as a wonderful adventure for explorers and heroes. In my young mind, I treasured the thought of being able to go through that kind of experience. I  held  part  of   those  thoughts  when  I went to work for Simbahang Lingkod ng Bayan as a program officer for disaster response and management. 

 

When I began working though, it did not take long for me to realize that responding  to  disasters  takes  much more than an explorer’s adventurous spirit. In truth, a lot of times I realized that I was neither a capable explorer nor an adventurer. But then, it was in the face of those realities that I was given the chance to dig deep for the courage, love, and faith that I never knew I had.

 

I can still clearly remember the time we  had  an  assessment  in  Sorsogon. To reach the community we had to assess, we had to brave our way through the  chest-deep  mud.  At that  moment, everything that I had written in my resume – my experience with the Jesuit Volunteers Philippines (JVP) , my social action background, and my passion to help  others  –  was  not  enough  to  quell my fear of drowning in mud. Knowing the urgent need to cross and realizing no other way to go about the task, I made my way through the mud with tears in my eyes.

 

There was also the time when we hiked up a mountain in Buhi, Camarines Sur to evaluate our water system project. We needed to hike for more than two hours to reach the area and in order to  gather  the  needed  data.  More  than being an uphill climb, we worked our way through a scary almost-vertical slope. During the hike, my heart pounded whenever I tried to look back or down. At one point, I almost lost my footing. Looking back, I could only thank God for helping me push through with that task.  

 

With  the  adverse  devastation  that Ondoy  brought,  I  needed  to  be in the relief center almost round the clock to oversee the operations. I never thought I could be more generous with my time. I needed to be ready for deployment any time of day. When we do relief operations outside Metro Manila or Luzon, we leave at 12 midnight so we can be in the affected areas by early morning of the next day to deliver and distribute loads of packed goods. The service van that we use becomes a dressing room,  bedroom,  and  even  a  dining area. There is no more time to take a bath because once we are in the area, our immediate thought and action is to respond. We would have to settle for a spray of alcohol. To be able to respond to another area, our relief operations for one area need to be finished within a day. We would travel from Manila to any area and then back again to go to the next assignment. In the course of the operations, it is almost inevitable to experience hunger, lack of sleep, and body pains. The reality of the work becomes not only physically, but emotionally draining as well.

 

I  have  had  many disheartening experiences that made me question this "adventure" I have chosen. I  have experienced  feeling isolated  –  being  the  only  female in  a  usually  all-male  group.  I  have experienced  sacrificing  precious  time with my family and friends. I have felt helplessness at being prevented by rules and protocols to relieve those in need. I have felt hopelessness because of the immensity of the needs of calamity-stricken  families’ and the limited aid that we bring.

 

I have thought of giving up many times. I have thought that I was extremely unworthy of this "adventure." I have thought that maybe this  was  not  for someone like me. However, I have also realized that despite my doubts, I am still alive. I have been able to help many people, and I have made it to shore. This job has revealed to me so many of my shortcomings but I am at peace with the way this work has enriched my life. Somehow, working with disaster has taught me to look beyond myself, my weaknesses, and my fears.

 

I never thought I would be so ready as to have a deployment backpack prepared all the time. I never thought I would learn to adjust to a plethora of personalities, from the strict to the very lax. I never thought I would learn to value people and their contribution in helping to make other people’s lives better. I never thought I would learn to become obedient to my superior and to take responsibility for my actions. I never thought I would agree to become accountable for the welfare of others. When my help is asked, even when my survival instincts say NO, I have learned to say YES. 

 

Through and with it all, I have seen with  my  eyes  that  where  darkness abounds,  there  grace  abounds  all the more. Because  disasters  destroy  properties and lives at such a large scale, this work has opened my eyes to great need, great inadequacy, and great grace. I am not a superwoman; I have eventually come to accept that I can only be myself. My sacrifices, labor, and skill will always run short of  what is needed, but the mere attempt to open my life up to and for others is worth it.

 

I am grateful for my co-workers who value my well-being more than they value  my  output.  Their  affirmation, assurance, and readiness to help me have encouraged me to move forward and grow. My friends have also contributed to my staying in Simbahang Lingkod ng Bayan.  I  feel  happy  whenever  they  tell me that I look happy and content, and that they too were inspired to apply for vocations similar to mine. I am happy to have inspired others. I am also grateful to  have  parents  who  have  supported me by never demanding to find a less risky and a more financially rewarding profession. Naturally, they ask me if I am content with where I am – to which I answer and say YES. Working amidst disasters has to date not only been my greatest gift to my country and fellowmen but also, my greatest gift to myself. I have never thanked God as meaningfully as I do now.

 

- Lovella V. Dorero

Love works with Simbahang Lingkod ng Bayan as a program officer for disaster response and management.